'Allo again, mateys!
Just 'ad ter drop a foo lines ter warn all o' me parish pension pickers abewt sum dodgy folks bangin' on doors arewnd 'ere, floggin' all sorts o' crap n' clap wot no'un wants....
Oi saw one of 'em orft, t'other day, when 'e brazenly hadmitted 'e wuz one o' them bogus caller nasties, touting fer me money an' bank details. 'E reckoned 'e could save me a fortune if Oi signed 'is papers - but Oi can't see as 'ow Oi'd save owt by givin' im me bank numbers an' fings. Oi told 'im ter 'oppit a bit smartish, or Oi'd sort 'im owt, no matter Oi'm an ol' git - Oi can still 'andle meself - an' besoides, my li'l mutt Pogo 'int big enuff to nibble 'is ankles, so Oi gotter look arfter meself.
Any'ow, the fella wouldn't go at furst, but 'e left a bit smartish, loike, when Oi told 'im Oi'm a black belt in Origami. Dunno why 'e wuz larfin', though - Oi could still fold 'im into a paper swan in seven moves wivout breakin' sweat.
Good fing me dear departed woifey weren't 'ere, either - if she'd got at 'im furst, she'd 'av sorted 'im in two shakes uv a lamb's tail. Ada Gripe-Water wuz 'er name (she 'insisticated on dubble-barrelin' wiv 'er Water maiden name, silly moo), she wuz a black belt, too, but in Sakapupu, wot's the ancient Oriental art o' nappy-swappin' - she was blimmin' lethal wiv a safety pin, she were. 'Ad a triffic aim wiv a frying pan, too, if yer weren't past the garden gate quick enuff, Oi can tell yer (wsssshhht - doink!, juss loik that!), an' Oi've 'ad a few big ol' knots on me bonce frum 'er when Oi got a bit cheeky, Oi can tell yer. She could sort dodgy dealers, too, juss loike that...
Me naybour 'ad words wiv me arfter the feller 'ad moved on - 'e told me the bloke thort Oi wuz a bit 'touched in the 'ed', cheeky so-an'-so. 'E reckoned the bloke wuz selling British Gas or summat, but Oi swear 'e said "BoGus", so all youze old 'uns watch out, ok?
Mebbe Oi need new batteries in me 'earin' aid, arfter all - Oi'm orft ter get sum...
Tara!
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