This 'un's sort-of self-explanicatin'...'
A foo munths back, sum'un moaned about the 66 buses runnin' late or not at all, sumtoimes. Well, Oi av' ter 'old me 'and up an' apogolise, 'cos the late 'uns were probbly my fault. Y'see, for a whoile, Oi 'ad ter go for reg'lar check-ups at the hostiple, an' as me mobility scooty 'asn't got the range, Oi 'ad ter use the bus - but it 'int as easy as it sownds, fer me. See, Oi've got arfuritis in me 'ips, an' Oi carn't lift me legs very 'igh, an' even though the bus does a 'curtsy' for me an' drops low, Oi still 'av trouble wiv the steps. Oi lifts me leg, but me toe don't connect wiv the step, an' it keeps rotatatin' until Oi get a toe-touch, then Oi'm on. Sumtimes, it can take abewt foive minnits ter get aboard - looks loike Oi'm kick-startin' the blimmin' bus, it do!
No problum when me 'ome-'elp wuz wiv me to start wiv, tho' - she juss grabbed me leg, planted it on board an' gave me a shove; "Sorry for the 'ead-butt, Driver" Oi'd say, "it were me shot-putter, 'ere!" Give folks a good larf, ennyway...
Trubble wuz, she 'ad ter go for an 'oliday for a foo weeks, 'ence the delays.
Talkin' o' the buses, tho', it stroikes me that sum young enterpoisin' young whipper-snapper moight be able ter rake up some money, 'ere. How's abewt fittin' up some veee-hickles wiv ramps an a bit o' space, so's us old gits c'n juss roll on wiv our scooty-cars, flash our bus passes an' roll off agin in town? We'd get more moiles per charge loike that. Oi can jus' picture it - a blast o' "Ride Of The Valkyries" frum the speakers, an' masses o' mobility scooties chargin' orft the bus tergether. Yippee!
Me 'ome 'elp's back now, so yer won't be delayed no more by me, but Oi think Oi'd better get meself a crash hat, the way she shoves me inter the buses. Oi luvs 'er, really - she's a big strong lass, built like a tank an' fast wiv it. Oi think she's frum that ol' Soviet Onion - she's allwuz 'Russian' around arfter me chores... Oi think Oi'll arsk 'er ter marry me soon - 'Ivanova Gripe' - def'nitly got a ring to it...juss loike me doorbell, an' that's juss rung, so she's 'ere for me massage. Luvvly! Oi'm orft fer me bottle o' baby oil...
See yer abewt!
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